By Hope O’Rukevbe Eghagha
Ufuoma: I am worried about the decadence that has eaten deep into the fabric of our country. No institution is spared. The executive arm. The legislature. Religious bodies. The judiciary. The media. The security agencies. Everything has been contaminated to frightening proportions.
Ukadike: Are you saying anything new?
Ufuoma: What do you mean?
Ukadike: Is there a new occurrence that has prompted your worry? The decline started decades ago!
Rekiya: Our sister here must tell us what happened last night. Did the owl cry to your hearing?
Ufuoma: My friends, where is Yahaya Bello erstwhile governor of Kogi state?
Ukadike: Who is Yahaya Bello?
Ufuoma: Have you forgotten him so soon?
Ukadike: Are you referring to the cowardly fugitive?
Rotimi: Hahahahahaha! I laugh in Yoruba! Have you forgotten the state governor whose ADC was a beautiful female police officer with a distended anatomy?
Ufuoma: It is not a laughing matter my friend. And please desist from body shaming a decent police officer.
Rotimi: Body shaming? Nothing like that. I was only emphasizing her beautiful frontal and read assts which may have qualified her to be the chief protector of a serving governor. Such a man cannot be described as cowardly!
Ufuoma: I take exception to your sexist remarks!
Rotimi: My apologies, please! But the real question is: my friends, where is Yahaya Bello?
Eket: You remind me of military president Ibrahim Babangida asking then IGP Etim Inyang publicly ‘My friend, where is Anini? A very embarrassing approach to governance.
Ukadike: IBB and his Maradona style!
Rotimi: But it produced results! Before long Anini the common bloody robber was arrested in Benin and publicly executed.
Rekiya: I remember that incident like yesterday. Anini controlled the state while his reign of terror lasted. He killed with impunity. He struck wherever he chose to. But when the Commander-in-chief intervened directly, the Police high command knew they had to act. It turned out that Anini was receiving protection from one DSP Iyamu!
Ufuoma: So, I ask again: where is Yahaya Bello? Do you understand me? Yahaya Bello was governor of a state for eight years. After his years in office, the EFCC invited him for questioning over fraud allegations. He has so far not honoured the invitation. A report surfaced that he visited EFCC office along the line but was asked to go. A former governor running away from the law! It’s disgraceful. No honour. No sense of decency. So far, he has not showed up at EFCC or in a competent court of law to defend himself. So, where is Yahaya Bello?
Ukadike: He is hiding. He could even be inside a Government House for all we know. Look here, I do not believe that the DSS or other security agencies do not know his hiding place. Does ne not make calls? Are policemen not attached to him? There is a mischievous game going on, and this undermines the integrity of the country.
Rotimi: Integrity? Do we have any of that left? The fugitive is acting like a petty thief, a robber like Anini who hid himself from the law until the federal authorities decided to act.
Ufuoma: The EFCC is a federal agency.
Rotimi: Then he is not a fugitive. He is a protected citizen!
Ufuoma: Why? How? A fugitive is a person who has committed a crime or is accused of committing a crime and is evading law enforcement. And the law states that a fugitive can be arrested anywhere, anytime.
Rotimi: Indeed, the scoundrel is hiding in plain sight! There is no indication that he is outside the country.
Rekiya: The same question can be asked about other institutions in the country. For example, where is the Minister of Finance?
Rekiya: Where is the governor of Central Bank?
Rotimi: My friend, where is the governor of your state?
Ufuoma: Where is the Chairman of your Local Government?
Rekiya: Where is the head of the Nigeria Army? Why has the terror group ‘Lukarawas’ taken over some LGs in Sokoto State?
Rotimi: Why do we always focus on the federal government and ignore state governors?
Ufuoma: Questions! Questions!
Ukadike: We want answers! Local Government chairmen are glorified messengers. The presidency is currently having a running battle with state governors to make them accountable to the federal government. There is a ruling that all allocations meant for the local Governments should go to them directly. It is a contravention of the spirit of federalism. The incumbent president fought President Obasanjo on this principle. Now he is on the presidential saddle has made a u turn! What is going on?
Eket: The people who can give us answers are not here! They will read all the questions. So, let us continue to ask probing questions!
Rotimi: I am baffled that Yahaya has refused to submit himself to the law. What has become of all former governors who were accused of fraud? The EFCC blows hot air and later the matter starts to drag for ages. Even Orji Kalu who was found guilty and sentenced is mysteriously out and enjoying life in the Senate. Fayose has been visiting EFCC like forever. Obiano was dragged on social and mainstream media. He was dramatically arrested. As EFCC chairman, Nuhu Ribadu listed Senator Tinubu as one of those in the corruption net. See the role reversal that is ongoing in Abuja.
Ufuoma: Former governor of Delta State was invited; he honoured the EFCC invitation. He is out on bail. Isn’t that more dignifying? An allegation is not the same as being found guilty! Why can’t Yahaya take that option?
Rekiya: Too much drama in the land. The level of hunger is terrifying. Begging has become a way of life. People can hardly pay their bills. School fees in primary and secondary schools are killing. They are even more expensive than the fees of universities.
Rotimi: That’s the Nigerian model for you!
Ufuoma: Trump has won the election in America.
Ukadike: That country is different from Nigeria. Let us focus on our problems here!
Rotimi: Only in America can a felon win a presidential election!
Ufuoma: Not true, not very correct! Think properly!
Rotimi: What do you mean?
Ufuoma: Next question, please! It’s not from my mouth, you will hear that the king farted in the town square!
Rekiya: Does the Naira have any hope?
Ukadike: The dead shall rise again!
Ufuoma: That will be Judgement Day!
Rotimi: That is far oo!
Ukadike: A General of the Army dies, and his extended family members blame juju and home trouble for his death!
Ufuoma: Superstition is African! Anyone who joins the Army signs a contract with death!
Rekiya: Not in Nigeria, not in Nigeria!
