With nursery school children languishing in the forest, tortured by bandits who snatched them from school, President Tinubu ought to be sleepless . Or at least speechless.
But no. Tinubu is a god. He is a living encyclopedia of strategies. Beyond reproach and accountability. He removed fuel subsidies. So he rescued the country from the valley of the shadows of poverty. Because all the governors in the country have now congregated in his party, Nigeria is more united than ever. So even if every child in this country is abducted by bandits, Tinubu must still ramble and tell tales on Children’s Day. He is a great orator, after all.
Critics say the people have become so accustomed to egregious evil that nothing provokes outrage anymore. We take the torture of nursery school pupils — who witnessed their teacher being beheaded — all in our stride. Perhaps we have learnt our lessons. We did “Bring Back Our Girls,” got some back girls and lost many more. We have learnt not to harbour silly hopes or demarket our country in vain. We have also learnt since nearly all our leaders are cut from the same cloth , we must only pray for our leaders rather than make them objects of international ridicule. So that they can continue to occasionally throw us rice and cash handouts to alleviate our poverty.
Some unpatriotic youths, however, argue that our inept and soulless leaders trust in our passivity and gullible generosity and natural sheepishness. That is why Tinubu feels comfortable sharing sovereignty with ragtag bandits without much shamelessness. The youths may have a point, but our leaders always remind us that insecurity is a global phenomenon, and some of us will clap. I think we clap because if we protest, they will arrest us and throw us in prison. We are hungry, but not angry . Because if we show anger, they will say we are trying to destroy our nascent democracy. So we have opted for native docility . Look at Tinubu, the godfather of Lagos and architect of modern Nigeria — how can we dare tell him he has failed us?
So when Tinubu emerged from the Sallah mosque on Children’s Day to preach unity and love, we clapped for him. When asked about insecurity, he began advising the public on the sanctity of life, making allusions to the Quranic story of the substitution of Ishmael with the ram of sacrifice and the symbolism of Sallah. We knew he was manipulating us with religion, but we still clapped. Obviously, God did not provide a ram for Ibrahim because of the sanctity of human life as Tinubu theorized. But who are we to interrogate the man or call him a religious name? Tinubu counselled us as if we were responsible for the abduction of schoolchildren in Oyo and Niger and Borno states. Perhaps he was telling the terrorists they could abduct but not kill? Anyway, we can’t ask Tinubu too many questions. The parliament is his footstool. He is now the custodian of checks and balances , the sole proprietor of Nigerian democracy.
That insipid and incoherent jumble was Baba Tinubu’s response to the question of insecurity, while many children abducted by bandits, jihadists and terrorists languish in the custody of vampires. English may not be his native language, but with many schools shut down because of banditry and many families in despair and running out of time on ransom deadlines, Tinubu should sometimes speak to us in Yoruba if that would help reflect sobriety. I doubt he would have had any trouble addressing that question in Yoruba. The problem is: no sophistry, propaganda, parable can stanch the hemorrhage. Fortunately for Tinubu, nobody keeps the body count . So he remains a performer.
Nigerian politicians don’t need to fake empathy. We are an easy-going , forgetful lot . With rice, cash handouts, and appeals to ethnicity and religion, they will always get our votes. But why can’t their handlers teach them how to at least pretend to have sympathy? Tinubu should have shed a few tears for the camera. Isn’t he the same Tinubu who once declared that 50 million youths fed on agbado and cassava can crush the insurgency? Why is he now preaching to the bandits who beheaded a schoolteacher in front of terrified kindergarten children? Oh well , the man is a political juggernaut of ecclesiastical proportions.
Nobody can begrudge Tinubu. It is his turn. He is free to enjoy his Sallah in Lagos with his grandchildren. But as a president who has failed woefully to protect Nigerian children, his messages and sermons should at least reflect the pain and mood of shattered families and communities, and acknowledge his own disastrous incompetence. To appear before the cameras upbeat, resplendent in flowing agbada, churning out platitudes and disjointed parables, can only be seen as the height of insensitivity. Not that it matters to many of us. But we don’t like Ghanaians and others turning the President’s attempt at memorable speeches into memes. Not that we care that much. Tinubu is our alpha and beta and omega. It is our responsibility to portray him in the best possible light whether we have electricity or not .
Tinubu is a rare phenomenon. Indeed the buck stops on his presidential table, but insecurity is partly a global phenomenon and partly the handiwork of his political enemies. It’s our duty to protect him and our country . No matter how hard the bandits try, we must stand on the mandate of Bola Ahmed Tinubu till we die. The ‘Change” we all seek must start from us, not from him. We must pay our taxes and submit to the rule of law rather than go about publishing pictures of fleeing villages and bloodbaths, and ranting at him. We must allow him to enjoy his presidency by improving our capacity for endurance and long-suffering. We must refrain from cursing him.
He is the best president in the universe. The abducted children should cooperate and stay obedient to the rule of law in the bush until the bandits receive their cash rams. Tinubu is building a trillion-dollar economy for the children, after all. Nigeria, our own dear native land, we hail thee.
@Vanguard
